Friday, July 1, 2016

Words for B, part 5

But you can not, or will not let yourself see beyond your limits. 
And in doing so, you must have her all to yourself to be in space 
with her.  I told you I could happily let that happen, if I had an 
invitation to join, if only once.  I fear that invitation will 
never come.  I feel your need to be with her. It has been three 
weeks and you can only go two before your need for intimacy rises 
to the surface. She to feels it.  That is why she moaned all night 
after falling asleep with distance between us.  That is why when I 
went down on her while she slept she reveled in it, because in her 
dream it was you making love to her.  That is why she could not make 
herself ask for permission to cum, but wanted to badly.  And that is 
why I saw disappointment in her eyes as I slid myself into her....and 
felt her slip away to that cold place.  After I was finished she 
drifted back to sleep and began to moan for you.
I can't even fantasize about the two of you because she will not 
let me posses her when she is with you.  So I feel left out. And 
that shit hurts B.  More than I can tell you.  To have my little 
one shut out her desire for me to be with her always, because your 
vulnerabilities are more important to you than either of our hearts. 
That you shut me out of what should be our experience.
I love you completely, so much so that I need to satisfy your 
desires however I can.  That means sending her to you because you 
need her.  That means sending her to you because she needs you. 
That is not sharing that is me giving to both of you.
And I find myself now at a loss for words.  Where do we go from
here?  Do we work together to give her El Mundo Bueno or do we allow
the distance between us to create El Mundo Malo in some way for us 
The choice is yours to make B, as it always has been.  You have
been trying so fucking hard, it does show, I can feel it B.
Deep down I feel you want the same as I, a blissful harmonious 
existence.  That is possible, but it will not come without work
on all of our parts, mostly you and I.  I pledge to you all of 
myself, all that I have and ever will be.  You can accept as 
much as I can give, or as much as you can handle.  I don't even
need your answers, I need the questions that you used to arrive at 
your answers.  I need that two way street of communication, without 
limit...your first thought, not your distilled meaning.  If you can 
not ask those questions alone, allow one or both of us to help you.
We all need each other B.  We must find a way to make this work
so we stop sharing pain, and start experiencing Joy together.
I will leave you for now with more words of yours that I have
commandeered. All that have we have been going through, what we are 
tying to make since of can all be summed up in one word: "Love".

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