This is the first of five pages of a letter to her,
"B". I will post each page separately as a way to
set pace. But know you must read all to grasp any.
I have been feeling like my voice has been lost,
or not heard in this situation, so please feel
free to comment....
Oh sweet B, it is not OK for me to love you as I do when you can
not return the feeling, or tell me that in time you might. I love
you completely as I do my little one. I would do ANYTHING for you,
including everything I have done for her. I have always had a strong
link with my family, I know when they need me. What I feel for you is
nothing like that or includes that and a thousand times more depth.
I do not know a more intimate relationship then two people that can
walk in each others mind. Of all the people I have ever fucked or
made love to, lil is the only one I have ever had that connection
with. That's what confuses me so. We have that....
It is becoming more and more obvious to me that you will never be
able to see me as anything but a friend. I am a hopeless romantic,
and dream of us all sharing a glorious love. I know it is one
possible future. I have seen many. You and she can not be separated
without both of you feeling the loss forever. It would be hell to
repress your feelings, no reason either of you have to.
I have had to repress my sexuality as long as I have been with her.
I told you I ended a relationship because I felt lil's presence.
My ex's name is Rhonda, I never mention that name to lil because
it hurts her. It hurts her because of all the things my beautiful
queen on her knees gives me she has never been able to give me what
Rhonda did...as much sex as I can handle. We were like rabbits,
3 times a day bare minimum totaling about 6 hours a day...every
day except weekends, then it was more like 12 hours a day minimum.
This lasted 4 years. Sex was the only thing we had, it was epic mind
blowing sex, but it was hollow....she had no mind, no energy. She was
completely submissive without either of us having a clue what bdsm
was. There was no taking her “down”. That's where she always was.
Now that is what you do for lil. When ever she is alone with you,
she is in space. But not sub space. In the space she has with you
she is “up”. I have almost always had to put her through some
form of cadence to get her down. And I really should thank you.
Since she has been with you, I have been able to experience her
sexuality without having to put her “down”, it is a great feeling...
possibly the closest I have ever been to making love to her. But
that is your effect on her, not mine.
Maybe that is why I long to share everything love has to offer with
you both. It has been our fantasy, for longer than either of us can
remember, to share a woman in my bed. She has a very explicit
fantasy life, well in all fairness I should say had. Now she can't
have any fantasies that don't include you. Which excludes me from my
own fantasy because you cannot include me in your sex life. But I
digress. We have always wanted to share completely another female, to
bring balance. She can not receive softness from me, she needs my
fierceness, my control, to be fucked and fucked just because I want
her. With you she GIVES softness. She can only receive from me, and
can give only what I want, what I make her give. I know you get
squeamish when I talk about sex, so I will give a broad overview.
Know that she desires all the pleasures that you and I could provide
her together, if you can imagine any way that a man and a woman
could satisfy another woman....she desires to receive it. It is
still there, she is just repressing it, because she is hopelessly
in love with you....and you can not handle that thought, not even
from her.
And why B? She has told me that she feels if you didn't feel so
strongly for her. You would not have a problem with it or would
be able to do it. I watched you have the hots for one male and one
female, besides lil, in the time I have known you. I asked you
nicely to leave the male alone, because he is in a relationship.
You told me “I know but I want him so bad.” But you tell me you lost
attraction to the male form a year and a half ago. The female I have
the hots for too, she is cute and I make her sparkle. Taste in women
is another thing we have in common. Why do I feel like if lil was
sharing her bed with either of them you would not have a problem with
sleeping with them both? And yes she would fuck the male B, he
reminds her of me when I was that age. And if he were single, or his
girl was down for a group thing, I would let her, because I would
be there.
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