We are in a relationship B, the three of us. When either of you
hurt, I feel it. When it is I that have caused the pain...it is
like emotional feedback, shattering everything in its' wake. I
can not cause either of you pain. I need to be strong for her.
She can not handle it when I am less than solid. I will not
compete with you, for there is no winning. If I prevail it
causes me pain greater than my own, for it means you have lost.
If you prevail, I feel left out, lonely....still better than
causing either of you pain.
I realized that the thing I am missing out on in this arrangement...
female energy, female desire. I need to feel the look in a woman's
eyes when she wants me to consume her. I realized that is where my
power comes from, I feed on it. The very idea was enough for her to
give me my words....when she is with you she will not submit without
a fight. When I ask her if she UNDERSTANDS something I have told
her, she is always supposed to answer “Yes Master.” She will only
do it reluctantly when she is with you alone. But after I made the
decision to take what I need, even if it is not from the two of you,
she submitted without request. She did everything she was supposed
to in our communications, to receive a “good girl” from me. She
used to live to hear me give her those words. She even rushed home
to make it before curfew.
That was the night you two had your talk...the one where you were
asked to explain to her how life times of love were not as important
as the morals you have learned in this one. How your vulnerabilities
are more important to you than her love. That night was probably
the only time she has been able to be neutral in her stance between
That night I had made the decision, before she returned to me, before
she went to you, that if I was not going to get the energy I need
from the two of you, I need to get it elsewhere, otherwise I will
make us all miserable, and all I want for us is happiness. But she
has something extra that I do not. And until I get some balance I
will always wonder what you two do together that is so spectacular
that I am unworthy of even witnessing it. I will have to be sad as
she moans all night while she dreams of you, dreams of the three of
us together, while I try to figure out how to get on
the same page with you.
I can not be jealous. It will destroy my inner peace. The peace
that I have worked so hard to establish between she and I. If I
could think for one instant that you would be able to see me as more
than a father figure eventually, I could wait a lifetime for your
affection. But alas even if you can feel that, I do not think you
can speak those words.
So I think it will be best for us all if I take a mistress. Someone
to give me the passion that I am now devoid of, for it is all being
consumed without me. Someone that wants me to make love to them
because I can make them cum until they are so dehydrated they can't
see, can't talk. A little bit of guilt to keep the jealousy away.
Something to help me fill that void in myself that keeps me from
being the person she needs me to be. That you need of me B.
I realize that will put the nail in the coffin of what could have
been our space. For no matter how much she loves me, needs me to be
strong for her, me being with someone that is not you or she, will
hurt her...and you will feel that hurt, and turn it into resentment
for me, because I will have hurt the one you love most.